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  • Erik Frederickson - Life Coach and Recovery Coach

Hope on the Horizon - We Do Recover

Updated: Sep 3, 2020

Imagine, if you will, standing in front of a mirror with blurred vision and blurred thinking because an entire bottle of whisky is pumping through your bloodstream.


Imagine being 8 yrs into a lifestyle of daily drug and alcohol consumption, and knowing that the drugs and alcohol are not the answer. But instead of stopping you continue to consume the poison thinking and hoping that at some point it would some how start helping the situation.


This was me one summer day about 17 years ago, I stood and tried to make some sense of what my life had become while staring at myself in the mirror in complete disgust. Why I remember this particular day I'm not sure, but it has been burned into my psyche.


I didn't know what life was, and with a bottle of Makers Mark whiskey pumping through my blood stream I was as lost as could be.


The paradoxical insanity was that I was trying to find myself in the drugs and alcohol, only to get more and more lost. I stood staring at myself wondering who I had become, who was I to begin with? Is any of this is worth it?


I was at the end of a rope that I had already been at the end of for many years. In my drunken blur I couldn't help but want to change, I just didn't know how.


So I thought I'd do some drunk dialing, but not the type drunk dialing we hear of most of the time. I picked up my phone with an overwhelming feeling that I needed to say sorry for my life. I needed to talk to someone and tell them that I was sorry, and I wanted to change.


I called my cousin crying and apologizing. I didn't even know what I was apologizing for, I just wanted the feelings of shame and guilt to leave. Those feelings didn't leave after the phone call.


I continued on in my apartment all alone thinking that I could outrun the pain and problems with more drugs and alcohol. It got worse, and it got worse, and it got worse...


It all hit a boiling point and I landed in my first rehab a couple of weeks later.


Again, the internal pain was too much.


I left that treatment center before finishing the program and I was high the same night. Two weeks later I t