Erik Frederickson - Life Coach and Recovery Coach
Updated: Sep 6, 2022
I believe it's normal and healthy to expect good things.
Deep down I think most people expect good for themselves until the world throws some bad stuff their way. We should always be believing in good coming our way, but I think that hope for good can begin to drift when we experience enough bad events in our lives.
Is there a way to change this? My experience tells me, yes.
I feel it’s safe to say that most people coming out of addiction and into recovery have struggled with having a controlling mentality.
I certainly did. Because I experienced so much bad in my life, I thought the only way to bring good out of a situation was if I somehow controlled the outcome in my favor.
Addiction-driven mentalities don’t just warp the psyche (soul and spirit), but it also leaves a lingering residue in our thinking and actions. One of the joys of my recovery has been learning how to live in a space of expecting good things to happen as a result of my hard work but learning to lose the expectation of how I think these good things have to happen.
Expectation is a deceitful acquaintance that masquerades as a friend.
Imagine a friend whose goal is to continually trick you into thinking that things should always go the way you think they should go. And while this phony friend tricks you they ingrain an intensely counterproductive mode of operation into your psyche called the “victim mentality.”
This is what the fake friend called expectation does to us.
By the time someone has allowed expectation to sink its teeth into their mind, there is a good chance that the roots of entitlement have also sunk deep into the soil of their heart. This divisive stance then brings us a false sense of superiority and as a result the finger-pointing and accusing others of our problems is a byproduct, ultimately positioning oneself for isolation and unhealthy relationships.
So you may be asking, how then do we go about expecting good things?
I believe living in expectancy is the answer, and there is a vast difference between expectation and expectancy.
Expectancy is a quiet and humble confidence of knowing that if I do my part, God will do His part in bringing about my success. Expectancy is when you go into a situation expecting to gain from it one way or another, but not having to control how that happens.
Expectation, on the other hand, is fueled by pride. Expectation is saying that I know best, I know exactly how this should work out and if it doesn’t someone is to blame.
Expectancy is fueled by knowing that the best is coming my way, but when I try to manipulate how that comes about I shrink my world down to my size instead of the graceful and expansive world God has for me.
Expectancy is a healthy faith of knowing that good is my portion and I will put in my hard work in relationships, personal life, and career and I will do everything I can to celebrate others' success and help them achieve it in the process. I have experienced more good than I could have imagined as I grow in this mode of operation.
Check out this 2 min video for more clarity on this topic.
I have an expectancy that all the good God has planned for my life will become my reality.
But if I slip back into the controlling way of expectation I can quickly become blind to all the endless opportunities and possibilities where good could come into my life.
The freeing way of life found in expectancy drives me to receive more than I could ever ask, think, or imagine. I get to enter situations knowing that good is coming my way, but without creating an expectation of how that has to happen.
Are you living in expectation?
Or are you living in expectancy?
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