Blacked Out at the Wheel

For years I ruined my life with the excuse, "I'll start my recovery tomorrow."

I hated the reality that my life had become, but I wanted to put off facing the mess for one more day. I did that for over a decade. Every time I put it off, it got worse.

I had the opportunity to be done with my insane addiction to drugs and alcohol at the age of twenty-one, but I still thought that I could manage my unquenchable thirst for escaping reality through self-medicating on my own.

At the age of twenty-one, I landed in my first treatment center. I was lost, sick, and done with life. Here is what I didn't know at the time about addition, IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE.

The treatment center I went to was a nine-month program, and I was five months in and I was doing really well. At least from the outside looking in. The truth is that I was doing the best I could to obey all the rules and avoid talking about the real issues going on inside of me.

At about that five-month mark I realized that I would have to open up soon and start talking about all the chaos that was swirling around inside of me. That was frightening. The idea of talking through my feelings, without drugs and alcohol to help, nearly made my heart explode from a panic attack.

So one night I just up and split. I ran right out the front door and called some friends. I was high on drugs within an hour, and the next day I was back sleeping in my parent's basement thinking about how I could somehow manage my addiction this time around.

Within two weeks I totaled my car in a drunken blackout, fled the scene, got away, and continued my drinking all night. The next day I was in handcuffs, again.

For years I kept believing the lie that I could manage my addiction on my own. I always looked forward to one more day of partying, and then I would start my recovery tomorrow, and for over thirteen years that mentality made my life worse and worse and worse.

It wasn't until I got help and gave up doing it my way that things started changing.

That change started over eleven years ago and continues today. If I could go back and give my twenty one year old self a bit of advice it would be this, "Face your issues today, and get some help no matter what it takes. Your addiction will always get worse, so just face it and quit before it does."

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4 Tips for a More Confident Recovery

When I got clean and sober over 11 years ago my life did not become perfect overnight. Stopping drinking and drug use didn’t magically fix the unhealthy mindsets and habits that 13 years of active addiction instilled in me.

Some of the residues that lingered surrounded my fear of how others viewed me, for years of my life I was shaped by the opinions of others. I was intensely insecure. I didn't know my identity. A deep desire for acceptance was often my motivation. Any original thought or expression of mine had to first pass through my personal filter of, “what are people going to think?”

It took some work and time in recovery and relationship with God to even begin to identify this issue, and the work ensued once it was identified.

As I learned to stop caring about the opinions of others I realized that I didn't have to think I was better than anyone just because I was confident in who I was. It simply meant that knowing how God sees me and feels about me holds far more weight in my heart than what others are thinking and saying.

The wonderful thing about recovery and following Jesus is that the opinions of others don't have to ruin my day anymore. If someone else's opinion of me doesn't line up with God's definition of me, why would I dwell on it anyways?

Here are 4 simple tips to gain confidence in being you and letting your voice be heard. 1- “If you live off the praises of man, you’ll die from their criticisms.” -Bill Johnson In early recovery, I had to learn that validation can feel good, but validation can not be the fuel to the engine that is my heart. Freedom flooded my life when I began living from a place of knowing that I’m loved and accepted by God, and God’s opinion of me ALWAYS trumps the opinions of others.

2- Define your morals and values, and live by them. A baseline for truth is needed. A moral compass. If there is no solidified definition of what’s right and wrong in your heart, any new idea can weaken the foundation and have you getting lost in plain sight with the masses. Doing the right thing always withstands the test of time, while doing the wrong thing usually just helps us fit into a crowd that is going the wrong way anyway.

3- More people are thinking the same thing.

Say what you're feeling and thinking, just learn to do it in a respectful way. The more I spoke up, the more people would say, "I was thinking the same thing."

In early recovery, it didn’t take long for me to start noticing that some of the things commonly practiced and talked about in the world of recovery are not as effective as many people think. When I started being vocal about why we should change the way we talk about and look at some of the most widely accepted recovery practices I started attracting like-minded people. 4- Honor and Respect. “Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone you must agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.” ~Phil Robertson Just because I disagree with someone doesn’t mean I have to be disrespectful. In the midst of letting my voice be heard, I don’t have to bash others or attack them. Healthy relationships are a catalyst to real transformation, and just because I am honoring and loving to those around me (regardless of their beliefs) doesn’t mean I agree with everything they say and do.

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Restoring Relationships in Recovery

From Jessica Sanders, Recovery Advocate and Blogger

Today I am sitting at my Aunt and Uncle's house all alone, just to rest and relax, while they are gone for the day. Maybe that doesn't seem like such a big deal, but to me it's huge.

Just six years ago I was strung out on meth wreaking havoc and destroying my life. Out of the kindness of their heart, this same aunt and uncle let me move into this very house. I then proceeded to use drugs, disrespect, disregard, and lie to them. They tried to confront the issues and set boundaries but I was blinded by the drive of addiction and soon they had no other choice but to ask me to leave.

No one could blame them but of course, I was very angry. They wanted to see me succeed in life and break free from all my destructive habits. I was always invited into their house during holidays and welcomed to family functions but I was never left alone there. They loved me very much and they quickly forgave me. However, I refused to accept that love or advice.

My heart was hard and I wasn't allowing anyone to speak into my life.

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Check out this 2 min clip where Jessica shares about the moment when God set her free from her 15 yrs of addiction.

You can listen to her full story HERE on the Recovering Reality Podcast.

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Once I got clean my family was my biggest support. God softened my hard heart and I became teachable. Those important family relationships have been reconciled and deep connections have been made. It took time to rebuild trust but with honesty and integrity those bonds were made.

I accepted responsibility for myself, and I walked out of my recovery. I made amends to those I had wronged. I gave them space and I let my life be the testimony of change. I never tried to convince anyone of anything. I also never tried to force relationships on anyone who wasn't ready. God loves to restore broken people and broken relationships. So I did my part and let God do

His.

Each relationship that had been destroyed with my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and so many others was being repaired and restored. Some quickly, some slowly, but each one was deeper and more meaningful than ever before.

Even though it wasn't easy to walk out of the restoration process in each relationship the results were priceless. It's a very humbling experience to have to accept responsibility for your wrongs and let others express their feelings. It is a process that is rushed or done overnight. So don't give up hope even if you feel like things will never change.

Pray to God and ask Him to soften the hearts of the people who you hurt. Ask Him to show you where you went wrong in those relationships and ask God to forgive you. Then give it time to work out.

Nothing worthwhile comes easy but when you partner with God it's all possible.

How to Repair Relationships after Addiction - Narconon.com

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Join the thousands of people that have gone through our FREE YouVersion Devotional, "Freedom from Addiction" - JOIN HERE

If you, or a loved one, is struggling with drug and/or alcohol addiction please set up a time to connect with us. We have been coaching people into freedom from addiction for over 8yrs now. Let's talk... - text or call - 619-880-6935

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